Gosh, long time no blog.  The thing is, sometimes a blog just gets things off your chest, its a way of letting off steam, getting rid of your emotions, without bothering the outside world.  Sadly, I even feel guilty blogging and repeating myself endlessly.  Sighs sadly.

Its been a tough year.  Last year was a tough year too.  Last year Dad became very ill, this year he died.  Two weeks later my husbands uncle died.  Hubby was executor for both wills and has taken a fair amount of time off work to deal with the estates.  It seems like years ago that Dad died, but I can remember his illness as if it was yesterday.  Weird.  On the whole I have been ok the past few months, even to the point of being relatively upbeat about Christmas.  I had some help from a lady I chatted to at a Mind, Body, Spirit fayre, by the name of Ann Oliver.  Her outlook helped me to try and keep positive about life and death, and I am very thankful to her.

I joined a mediumship circle a few months ago, and have had some positive results, if you call it results.  I have really enjoyed going, and finding out different aspects of spiritualism.  So interesting and fascinating.

Also had a nosedive on the old health front, resulting in being signed off work for 3 weeks.  My GP is still seeing me every month to keep a check on me.  Personally I think he is just amused by my lack of mental capacity, and is waiting all agog for my next nutty statement!  Gives him a bit of lighthearted relief in his long days of ailments and moaning.  He is very handy with the tissues too, probably makes him feel like a knight in shining armour, which of course, to me he is.  Lovely man and I am thankful for him too.  Props.  I seem to need them, but then I guess so do a lot of people.

My birthday was going ok, until my sister phoned me at 9.30am.  That opened the floodgates of pain and tears.  No Dad, no early morning phone call and birthday wishes.  Its funny how you can be motoring along quite smoothly, and then you hit a pothole of memories which shakes you up.  The pain is still running in puddles around me at the moment, and of course the next pothole opens up tomorrow.  Hopefully I will steer around that one and give it a miss.  I try to look on the positive side that now Mum and Dad are together for the first time in 12 years, and Dad is reunited with the love of his life.

Crazy thoughts, crazy dreams.  Keep dreaming I am back at school and really behind with my revision.  I can't work out my timetable, where I am supposed to be and why I am taking the subjects as I failed them at school before.   Last night I asked Mum and Dad if I could leave school as I was so far behind.  Maybe I am stressing about christmas, although I don't feel thats the reason.  All up together as far as I am aware.  Maybe my life is running away with me and I have lost control?  

I think that has started to empty my head a bit.  Maybe I should get back on here a bit more.  Have started meditating but find it hard to focus, much like my daily life, I can't keep my mind on anything for too long, all thoughts just shoot away.  No drifting for me!

Happy Christmas to anyone who may have read this, and lets hope, as we all do every year, that next year is a better one.