Three to four weeks left. Do I live with the hope that the doctor is only guessing, and that it could be longer? Live hoping that Dad will see my birthday and christmas? Her estimate is based on test results and experience. Or do I take the fatalistic approach and think 4 weeks max and that anything longer is a bonus? I just don't know. I do know that Dad would like to die right now and that if there was a button he could press he would summon the energy and do it.
I am numb, not sure I can cry anymore, yet as I type the tears start to flow again. I need to phone my sister and tell her, but just don't want to because saying it out loud makes it more real. Kidney failure has set in, and the doctor thinks that in another 2 weeks Dad will reach the stage that donates dialysis. Obviously this is not an option for him so it will be the end.
Its all crappy to say the least :o(
Wednesday 30 November 2011
Thursday 3 November 2011
Frailty - it just shouldn't happen!
Its not right that your parents should get old and frail. My Dad has always been a strong man, in mind, manner, and also the way he has cared for my Mum, sister and myself. To see him as he his now is demoralising. He has been out of hospital for 3 weeks now, and been back once as a day case to have another 10 litres of fluid drained from his abdomen. He is very shaky on his feet, and yesterday had a fall in the bathroom, hitting his head. Typically, he was alone when this happened but he managed to struggle up and not fall down the toilet! He remembers nothing of yesterday at all, and wonders why today he is back in hospital, despite me reminding him every half an hour or so!
The physio came yesterday afternoon to assess him and has told us he is not to be discharged until she has arranged to have a bed put in his room. He has got a bed, before you all think he is sleeping on the floor! He can't get in and out of the bed he has without a huge struggle, and as its a double bed, its not easy to help him. The bed she wants will be like a hospital bed, so he will be able to sit up at the touch of a button and will have bed rails to help him manoeuver himself about.
The GP's at the surgery and the intermedary staff have been fantastic, The physio was on her phone before she left the house arranging what she could for Dad, and the gp ordered an ambulance to transport Dad back into his "old ward" at Frenchay. He is gradually working his way around all the beds, they should pay him to be a bed tester.
There is a young lad on the ward with severe learning disabilities, and he has been in and out of the same ward for the last 3 months. I have said hello to his parents, but never really spoken to them before. Today I just felt the need to give his Mum a hug. They have had a rocky journey and its far from over. How they cope is beyond me. They remarked on the difference in Dad since he was in a month ago and can see how much downhill he has gone. It ended up as a sort of mutual consolation session, but did us all good I think.
Hubby makes sure that I talk to him about Dad and not bottle things up. He is very pro active and makes sure I am able to stay on top of things, always guiding me, looking after me. My sister and I talk too, keeping up to date. She came to visit him today and it was lovely to see her and her hubby. She has had her eye removed and seems to be coping ok, so brave. Eerie too tho seeing her, same eye as Mum lost, jangled a nerve.
I think I might be rambling a bit. My head is so muddled lately. Am back at work now, knackered of course, back to the unrest! In a way all the "stuff" with Dad is good for me because its forcing me to concentrate and focus - I might just find a brain cell somewhere after all!
The physio came yesterday afternoon to assess him and has told us he is not to be discharged until she has arranged to have a bed put in his room. He has got a bed, before you all think he is sleeping on the floor! He can't get in and out of the bed he has without a huge struggle, and as its a double bed, its not easy to help him. The bed she wants will be like a hospital bed, so he will be able to sit up at the touch of a button and will have bed rails to help him manoeuver himself about.
The GP's at the surgery and the intermedary staff have been fantastic, The physio was on her phone before she left the house arranging what she could for Dad, and the gp ordered an ambulance to transport Dad back into his "old ward" at Frenchay. He is gradually working his way around all the beds, they should pay him to be a bed tester.
There is a young lad on the ward with severe learning disabilities, and he has been in and out of the same ward for the last 3 months. I have said hello to his parents, but never really spoken to them before. Today I just felt the need to give his Mum a hug. They have had a rocky journey and its far from over. How they cope is beyond me. They remarked on the difference in Dad since he was in a month ago and can see how much downhill he has gone. It ended up as a sort of mutual consolation session, but did us all good I think.
Hubby makes sure that I talk to him about Dad and not bottle things up. He is very pro active and makes sure I am able to stay on top of things, always guiding me, looking after me. My sister and I talk too, keeping up to date. She came to visit him today and it was lovely to see her and her hubby. She has had her eye removed and seems to be coping ok, so brave. Eerie too tho seeing her, same eye as Mum lost, jangled a nerve.
I think I might be rambling a bit. My head is so muddled lately. Am back at work now, knackered of course, back to the unrest! In a way all the "stuff" with Dad is good for me because its forcing me to concentrate and focus - I might just find a brain cell somewhere after all!
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