Brain dead day

Gosh it was hot yesterday, but not sunny.  Work was the expected nightmare, gloves and mask making us feel like we were in a tropical jungle.  I used on average 3 pairs of gloves per patient, but don't tell the boss.  Windows were open, fans were on, and it was still hot.  One of the male patients lightened the mood by asking me to "unchain him".  Goes well with the latex theme I thought lol.  He was referring to the chain holding the bib down in case you are all wondering what goes on in Frampton!  The fan was blowing the bibs around so we put a chain on them to weight them down and keep them in place.  Did I mention that last week as I was clearing up, the dentist I work with, 27 and fit, rubbed my shoulder and thanked me?  Well this week I was cleaning the instruments in the sink and he came up and hugged me goodbye.  I was so shocked I nearly lost a probe down the plug hole!  I am a bit worried about next week I have to say - most unlike me where young men are concerned!  Bless his cottons.  He is leaving at the end of July, so what will happen then I don't know.  Changes are afoot ......................................

Ratdog is here again, my mate is moving her "stuff" into her new house and "wondered if I could have him for a bit so he's not under her feet".   No problem.  Speckle loves playing with him, he is one of the few dogs (if you can call him a dog) that he does play with.  Not the bravest of dogs, 6 inches off the floor is obviously the perfect playmate for him.  I do need to go to Yate tho, not quite sure how to manage that one.  Will probably wait until the children get home from school to dogsit.

My brain, well no, not my brain, my mind, is on overdrive at the moment.  It has a lot to think about, but is on spin speed and the thoughts are all whirring around meaning I can't concentrate on anything.  I should be used to it but its disrupting.  I have so much to write about, and I think that I will save it up so I don't become a serial blogger, but it all slips away.  It was going to be so interesting too!  Maybe I should just sit down and see what flows without censoring it.

Ok, heres one - bloody ratdog has mauled one of my piggies.  I thought they were both in the hutch, and put the gate across to keep them out of the garden, but obviously Dougie was in the garden.  Went to the kitchen for a drink and looked out the window to see the sodding dog on my piggie.  *cries - lots*  Poor dougie is very bruised and has got chunks of hair missing.  I have put him in a box with lots of blankets and a cover over him to see if he recovers ok - hes very shocked atm.  I feel so bloody guilty, I should have double checked they were both safe.  Sodding dog is now yapping at the window because he can't get to the cat.  Him and me have fallen out big time.  There will be all hell let loose when Matthew comes home because he doesn't like me looking after Ratdog as it is, and he keeps telling me something will get the piggies.  I can feel a big fat "I told you so" coming on at the very least.  Can't even find George, and I know for definite he was in the hutch cos I saw him.  Lots of swear words!

What is it with life.  How come some people seem to sail through, things work out well for them, they make money, they have jobs they enjoy, happy families, and yet for others it is the total opposite?  I have noticed that I am going thru a dissatisfied, resentful period at athe moment, and that is not really like me.  We all get disatisfied at some point along the way, but I never usually resent people for what they have and I don't.  It worries me.  Maybe its midlife crisis time. Its that "stop, let me off for a while" time  I know that work related things aren't helping either.  Maybe its time for a holiday.  I don't know.  All I know is that I don't like the feeling - not the band before someone makes a comment!

Talking of The Feeling, listened to their new CD last night.   Hmmm, there are still a few tracks that you know are them, but on a lot of the tracks they have changed their style.  Need to listen to it lots more obviously, but not sure I am liking the new stuff.  Will download it onto my mp3 and go around permanently plugged in.  That annoys my family so much.  For some reason they hate me having headphones in and listening to music.  Probably because they don't have 100pc access to me and that is a no no.  Mums must be available 24/7 no matter what, and have no life of their own without first getting permission from each member of the family!  IF you listen to music you must only use one earpiece, so you can still fainly hear your name being called.  See, resentful!  I think I sound like I need some time out just for me, although I do get some on a Thursday and Friday during the day, in between seeing Dad and shopping and housework (what little I do).

I need to get my arse in gear.  Need to tidy up and do some odd jobs.  Rich will be home soon so he can take care of ratdog whilst I get on and do a few things.  Its Josh day tomorrow, so won't be doing any housework apart from putting on some washing.  I usually use Wednesdays to take Dad out as well, so both of them are occupied!

Will try and make the next blog more interesting in case anyone reads it :o)

music, messages and mumblings!

I had a message from a friend today, about time too.  Don't you hate it when you email someone and they never get back to you, or they leave it so long you forget what you wrote in the first place?  Texts can be the same.  I had 3 texts today, Saturday, in reply to texts I had sent on Thursday, which I thought were being ignored.   One was a reply to me telling the children I would pick them up from school as it was peeing down.  Fat lot of use having the reply two days later O2!!  We all seem to have lost the knack of picking up the phone and talking, although I guess on mobiles it can be expensive.  I am actually in the middle of a letter to go into my friends' birthday card.  Each time I manage to sit down I write a bit more, am up to 3 sheets of paper so far.  Its so stupid, she only lives just over the bridge, but I haven't seen her for years.  Every christmas we say we must catch up, and never do.  Sheer laziness on both our parts.  Why do we feel our lives are so busy all the time?  Maybe we all have our routines and don't feel we can fit anything else into it without totally disrupting things?  Don't know, must ponder some more.

My wallpaper samples came today, three of which are no good, but two are in the running.  A brown one with a gold pattern running thru it, and the animal one, previewed on an earlier blog.  Rach took one look at the animal one and pronounced it "totally you".  Becky has threatened to leave home if we put that one up - how tempting lol.  For those who know me, it is totally me.  Lets face it, the light shade in the bedroom is Bang on the Door animals,  the lounge is full of quirky ornaments and my favourite mug has Dangermouse on it.  What can I say?  Anything wild and wacky with animals and I am sold.

We spent the afternoon at the music festival, the rain held off and although the sun didn't really show its face it wasn't cold.  Husband is now in bed due to copious amounts of alcohol, Becky has gone to bed, mainly I think because Josh is sleeping in her room, and Rich is on his beloved xbox.  Funny how the fresh air makes you tired.  I walked Specks round the pond on two occasions - flippin people in the way everywhere!  I am so used to the park being empty I resent it when it is used lol.  Probably going over tomorrow again as they have gospel and then Jazz on Sundays.  Mustn't forget we have Josh!   He was so good this afternoon, he really is an angel, bless him.  Not once did he moan or grumble or become bored.  He wasn't at all worried when Rach left him here, although to be fair he is used to it as I have him every Wednesday.  He was excited he was having a sleep over!  I hope he doesn't wake in the night .................

Lets see, what else can I ramble on about?  Oh yes, The Feeling CD also arrived today - haven't had chance to listen to it yet.  My CD player in the kitchen has broken which is a bit of a pain, can only listen to the radio atm.  I have a portable CD player with no headphones.  I seem to remember Becky wanting headphones for something, so that is probably the last I will see of them.  Will have a hunt around because I could listen to it then whilst I write a bit more of my letter.  That will save all you lot from having to read my thoughts :o)  Yup, maybe I will curl up on the settee and relax, and drown out the sound of CoD on the xbox. 

Just remember peeps, keep in touch with the people you love, family, friends etc.  It doesn't really take much effort and everyone appreciates it.  Thats all for now :o) xxx

Did I really say that?

Do you ever wish you weren't so impulsive?  I continually open my mouth before the bit of brain I have left engages, and then wish I hadn't spoken.  I don't do it in an offensive way, at least I hope I don't, its more of an agreeing to do something before thinking, or telling someone something and wishing I hadn't sort of thing. 

Josh is staying over on Saturday night because Rach and her family are going paintballing early Sunday morning and we are looking after him for the day.  I am not good at getting up over the weekend, I really need routine to keep me going, so I tend to stay in bed until 9 ish.  Okay, sometimes it might be 9.30ish!  I thought it would be easier all round if he stays the night, and Bex is more than happy to have him in her room with her.  Then she reminded me its the music festival on Saturday and it won't be easy to stay until the end if Josh is tired.  Especially as his bedtime is 7pm.  Okay, I will come home early for him and do the betime routine whilst the children stay longer.  We can still hear the music from the house so it will be fine. 

I have a habit of saying I will work extra, because the brain hasn't kicked in and I really do believe I can do it.  Its a bloody awful moment when realisation kicks in and I know damn well that there is a 99 pc chance that actually although I am more than willing, the whole body is thinking no way jose!  I worked an extra afternoon last week and spent Friday asleep.  Whats the point?  I hate it.  There is so much I want to do but am afraid to do because of the possible consequences.  It takes so little to tip the balance.  I really want to go see Captain Ed play at The Louisiana tomorrow night, but because his band is on last, and it will be a late night I am not going.(If you read this Ed, sorry x)   

I feel I am on a negative spiral again, focusing on what I can't do, rather than what I can.  Mind you, sometimes what I can doesn't feel like a great deal.   The staff meeting at work got me down too.  Although the Quality Care Commission say its not compulsory for us to have CRB checks, the local PCT has decided that they want us to have them.  £60 including administration fee.  Bet they would change their mind if we all gave them the bill!  How on earth they think we are going to have time to molest child patients is beyond me, mind you, some of the adult male patients should watch out ;op     The meeting left us all feeling disatisfied really, I think all the new changes and regulations are taking their toll.  Its hard when you have done a job for years, satisfactorily, and then suddenly have to prove you are capable of carrying out the work you do, AND pay!!!!    I love my job tho, and I guess we all have to just make the best of it, which isn't fair actually.  I don't mind the change, but I do mind the cost!

I sat watching our hamster today - little things.  I cleaned out his cage and I love the moment I put him back and he investigates.  I can almost hear him saying " where's she put that, why has my bed moved?  I don't like it there, oooh, a new tube, must add to my stock of food in case she never feeds me again" .  Okay, so I am mad, we all know and agree.   He is the cutest hamster of a long line tho, and I will be very sad when he dies.  I remember not so long ago spending £35 at the vets for one of the hamsters who had an infected food pouch - the hamster only cost £8 in the first place!  I think I might become a hoarder when I am old.  My house will be full of all sorts of animals, and I will be dribbly and have a beard and shuffle along in carpet slippers ......

Went to see the duckies.  The rain was torrential, and I don't think poor old Specks enjoyed the first part of the walk much.  After I fed the ducks, so many young ones including my girlies, we carried on round the park and gradually the rain stopped.  I needed to get out, despite the rain.  I am aware of my delicate frame of mind and don't want to plummet, so am trying to give in to my whims wherever possible.  Some I can't and those I have to deal with.    Oh god, back to me and my mood again.   Will shut up and make tea, the food variety, not the drinking one. 

Scissor sisters and happy days

Walls have ears and potatoes have eyes, but where does the voice come from?  Well, from my pocket actually.  It was a bit of a surreal moment - I was peeling potatoes and I could hear this voice saying "hello, hello, Jill, hello".  Weird, I was definitaley not dreaming, I could hear it.  I then twigged that it was my mate talking to me via my pocket, and in my pocket was my mobile.  It was one of those occasions when your phone has a life of its own and phones a friend!  Well okay, I must have leaned on the buttons somehow doing a redial.

Scissors are the next thing.  Scissors are like socks in this house, they disappear never to be seen again.  Every so often I stock up so there are a couple of pairs in the kitchen, then some for the childrens use.  And they disappear.  At one point last week I was left trying to cut up bacon with a pair of craft scissors with a wavy blade.  Have to say, it might work on paper, but it just leaves a torn up mess of bacon!  If anyone knows where they go, please tell me.  I even had a pair of dressmaking scissors hidden, or so I thought, in my sewing box.  Not any longer.  And actually, thinking about it, the small, very sharp blade type scissors used for unpicking aren't there either.  Hmmmm.  A mystery?  Is there a kleptomaniac on the loose, someone with a fetish who knows I will replace the missing items and so creeps in when I am asleep?  Are they marching off on thier own to start up a rebellion?  Oh dear, I think I need to stop before I get too carried away, hopefully not by the one remaining pair? of scissors.  Now why is one called a pair of scissors?  Is it because there are two blades?  You say have you any scissors, pass me the scissors, but what do you say about the last er set of scissors?  Blimey, I never knew you could talk so long about them.  I want you to all join blogger and join in with this debate! 

As some of you may have seen I have actually bought something for myself without thinking "can I afford it?"  Facebook kindly informed me that Will Youngs new album will be out in August - bagged that then, and also The Feeling keep emailing me to tell me to buy their new album - done!  As Rach and I are off to see The Feeling again in October we need to learn songs so we can sing out loud as we dance and generally make spectacles of ourselves.  Oh I love a good gig :o)  Looking forward to the Kingsgate music in the park on Saturday,  its a good day out, and very handy for us as the park is just across the road.  We load up the buggy with paraphernalia for the day, bag ourselves a spot by the action and sit on our bums for hours on end.  Bliss.  Lets hope the weather is good this year for it.  Rach is coming along this year, apparently her son's friends' band is the opening act.  Was hoping my friend, Captain Ed, was going to be playing with his band, Natural Tendency, but apparently they missed the deadline!  I will get to see you live Captain Ed, I promise :o)

I would really like to ramble on about my childhood and how it shaped my lack of homely skills! My friends and I rode horses for a dealer and had the  greatest time.  We didn't have to pay for anything and spent all our free time "down the field".  This also meant our dogs have a good life too btw.   Anyway, I could mix up a horse feed with my eyes shut - cook a yummy meal, forget it!  Clean tack till it shone, dust and polish my house, just. Muck out the stables, spend hours cutting down the ragwort, putting up fences, schooling horses, heft bales of hay around etc etc.  Life was bliss.  I didn't spend a great deal of time at home, and so didn't really learn much of any use to run a house.  My Mum was a fantastic cook, always trying out new recipes, baking cakes, and I just didn't have the inclination to spend time in the kitchen with her.  I wish now that maybe I had, or even better, that I had a cook of my own!  Dressmaking, knitting, she was a proper Mum.  She taught me to knit, and I could probably still follow a pattern if I tried, but sewing, not for me.  Do you know what tho, I wouldn't change a bit of it.  From lazy days in the summer to breaking the ice in the water trough and carrying out bales of hay for the horses in the winter, it was my life.  The only downside was when your horse was sold.  Another horse soon replaced it, but it was always a wrench.

I need to stop now as I have to go and pick up my car from the garage - just had the brakes done, so hopefully I will feel safe again.   Don't forget to let me have your thoughts on scissors!

Nowt like a bit of doom and glumness on a Sunday!

Having a bit of a "there must be more to life than this" moment!  Its Fathers Day so took hubby and my Dad, plus children of course, out for brunch to the Farm Shop along the Bristol Road.  This is where my brief love affair with chickens began, and in fact ended!  It was absolutely packed, but luckily I had booked so we had no problems with a table.  Anyway, we are back home, the children are killing people on the xbox, husband is asleep on the settee, Dad is asleep in the chair, and I don't want to do the ironing!  I need to do some because I haven't ironed my uniform for tomorrow, but at the moment the flesh and will are weak, so very weak! lol  I guess I will pop on a jumper and head off to the park, just for a change.  I was under the misconception this morning that it might actually be hot, so dressed accordingly.  Silly woman!  The guinea pigs' hutch needs cleaning out too, so that is another exciting 10 minutes of the day sorted.

I went to the park last night, and I have a suspicion that one of my "girlies" has been fooling me.  I am sure there is green appearing on her head, indicating that in fact she is not a she.  Oh dear.  I hope I haven't affected his future life lol.  Mirandas' Mother was a bit quiet last night too. 

Talking of which, Miranda is back on the television - repeat of the only series so far.  I absolutely crack up, and I was crying with laughter.  In fact when I went to bed, an image of her popped into my head for some strange reason and I was off again into fits of giggles.  Absolutely brilliant, and I thank my friend for introducing me to the show.  Rach came round yesterday for a cuppa and to give her opinion on the latest wallpaper sample - thumbs down.  It is driving me mad.  I took one last look on the net late last night and this is what I have come up with, much to my family's dismay.  Hang on, have got to try and work out how to upload it, just don't hold your breath!

 I have reached the point I am so fed up of it all that I am just going to go with my quirky nature and be done with it.  Bex has said she is never bringing friends round the house now.  Do I care?  Not at the moment!  I am very fed up, don't know why, wish I was so much younger and could have fun.  I am very fed up of the M.E at the moment as well.

In fact, I am not going to pass on my mood.  Hope you like the wallpaper, let me know your comments .  Might show a few more samples I sent away for as well if you are unlucky!
xxxx

The end of the world is nigh apparently

I am back to square one almost today - working yesterday afternoon saw me off.  Not that it was overly busy, its just it was the afternoon, and I had already used my quota of energy in the morning without really thinking and planning, or "managing".  One day I may well get the hang of it, but after four years I still tend to forget on occasions!
My nights sleep, or lack of it, wasn't helped by the fact the council had planned to re-surface the road at the back of our house.  Something to do with a non slip or safety surface for the newly installed zebra crossing.  They very kindly started at 10pm and went on thru the night.  Wonderful!  Rich woke up to find his bedroom glowing with flashing orange lights, and as he had watched "Paul", about the alien, earlier in the evening, it was a bit of a spooky awakening lol.

Anyway, I got Rich off to school and went back to bed for the morning.  So glad I have the opportunity to do that.  Then I went to Morrisons.  Well, I am just adding another tip for the "tips for life" blog.  Never go to Morrisons in Yate on a Friday afternoon. If you do have to do this, take 2 valium and half, no a pint, of gin before you step out of your front door!  After driving around the carpark a couple of times I decided to give up and go to Tesco.  Luckily, someone pulled out from a space as I was on the way out so I nipped in it.  Inside was just as bad.  I was so stressed by the time I came out I could quite happily have just burst into tears.  Having already done that when the cashier told me how much I had spent, I decided that twice in the space of 5 minutes was a tad too much!  (Only kidding, I waited until I got home before falling apart lol).  I stopped off to see my Dad on the way home and hand over his shopping.  Had a moan to him about my afternoon, and then he told me his moans and we were square!  He then said, of course it won't all matter next month, and proceeded to tell me about the comet Elenin which, if the holy peeps are to be believed is going to hit the earth sometime next month to coincide with the end of the Mayan calander, blowing it to bits. All in all, a good cheerful session with my Dad :o)  Think I might go on a bit of a spending spree over the weekend and bash the credit cards I have just managed to pay off.  After all, by the end of July no one is going to be around to care. 

That could be a whole new blog, What would you do if you knew the world was going to end.  Mind you, I guess its akin to the "you've only got one day left to live" scenario.  Drat.  Will have to think of something else.  Has anyone noticed I haven't yet mentioned my duckies?

By the way, before you all go wild with the credit cards, just check out the NASA website.  They have a slightly different opinion to my esteemed father ;op

Tips for life!

I thought I would give you all a few tips, some learned from "blonde" moments, some from experience!

1.  When you wear glasses it is a good idea to remove them before splashing water on your face to wash, unless of course the object is to clean the specs as well.
2.  Its no good putting the car into first gear and trying to drive off unless you have actually turned on the ignition first.  Found this out yesterday after stopping at a local shop to buy milk, realising I was in hubbys car instead of mine and there was in fact no money in the dish by the handbrake, so driving home again.  I was obviously already thrown by the lack of money, hence the added confusion when the car just didn't move.  Checked I wasn't in reverse by mistake, no, def first gear.  Well, his engine IS quiet .................................
3.  Guinea pigs are a very good weather indicator, and before deciding to hang out your washing even though the sky is sort of blue-ish, check to see where they are.  If they have decided not to leave the safety of their hutch, its going to rain at some point in the day.  Believe in them!  Hang said washing out at your peril.  I am thinking of renaming my piggies "weatherpigs".  Then again, I will probably forget :o)
4.  I am sure I can come up with a number four.  Give me a moment .....oh yes, here we go.......
Your tea will very rarely cook itself.  It will quite happily, and quite often what seems like in the blink of an eye burn itself, but cook itself to the right point - never.  Just remember that next time the computer/new book etc seem so alluring and you are cooking - stay aware!
5.  Snails, when left in a pot overnight smell, bad!  Almost on a par with chickens that haven't been cleaned out enough.  Don't forget to warn your friend about this after you have spent a happy afternoon with her 3yr old son snail hunting and he wants to take them home.  And no, its not a punishment for your friend who got invited to see Take That whilst you babysat! lol
6.  There is a saying that goes something along the lines of "dance like no one is watching".  Don't, someone usually is!!

On that note I had better go and ring the school as daughter is home with sore throat disease!  Remember, be safe out there, and if you make a mistake let me know so I can have a laugh xxx 

Humour and of course, ducks

I think  I have OCBD - obsessive compulsive blogging disorder!  Now I have started to get my thoughts out into the ether I can't stop!  I guess in a way its only like the "old fashioned" diaries?

Work.  Boy was I glad to get home today. Not because I had a bad morning, far from it, I needed to calm down.  For some reason, probably because he got there first, James got the patient to put on the safety goggles.  All quite normal, but the patient in question was already wearing his own glasses, which were rather large and owl like.  This meant the safety glasses just perched on the end of his nose and looked, to me, very comical.  Oh dear.  This just set me off on a course of silent giggles. I thought I was going to have to leave the surgery, but managed to contain myself. Then, when the patient sat up, they fell off his nose, which set me off again.  Silently of course.  That was it then, it was a race for the glasses, and because I had to go and get the patients in from the waiting room, James was usually ready and waiting, safety glasses in hand, ready to greet the patient!  He would then ask the patient to pop them on, whilst looking at me and grinning!  Only one patient foiled him by taking her own glasses off first. This, along with our normal banter, made the morning a very hilarious one.  I worked with him yesterday, and will be working with him again on Thursday.  All in all, a good working week :o)

I took myself off to the park, with dog of course.  I got a quacking good telling off from one of my girls for not bringing food!  I sat down on the grass and the girlies glided over, and Mirandas Mother started.  Now, if you haven't watched Miranda, you should, and if you do watch it, you know exactly who I mean and what she is like.  Its not the first time she has quacked at me non stop, and I find it very funny.  It just made me think of Miranda for some reason, and now the name has stuck.  Next time I visit I will make sure I am well stocked up.

Next thing I had to "stock up" on was petrol.  I had promised Rich I would get him some munchies too and the petrol station is the only place I know that sells them.  I have long since lost the art of getting the guage to stop exactly on the pound, or pounds.  I know it doesn't matter, but its becoming a matter of principle - I will not let the pumps beat me.  It just doesn't seem to make any difference how early or late I ease up on the handle, I still go over.  £20.01 today.  Anyway, I went into the shop and totally forgot what I had gone in for.  Now even I can see the strangeness of a woman entering the shop,of a petrol station, and saying out loud, "Oh bugger, I have forgotten what am I doing"    Ok, strange, maybe even worried looks from the poor chap behind the counter.  Isn't it obvious missis - paying for petrol?  Doh!  Talk about blonde moment lol.

I had to laugh at my piggies this morning.  They tiptoe out onto the lawn then hear a sound and run back to the trees.  Its  the first time I have realised how big their bums are!  I said to Becky I must have been a guinea pig in a previous life and she laughed - not the response I wanted!!  Children, you just can't rely on them.

Sadly I need to stop and serve tea.  I hate being a housewife.  I like not working, but I don't want to be a housewife!  Off to the kitchen ...............................

The Peter Pan Effect

Sometimes I find it hard being a grown up!  I have tried to analyse this on numerous occasions, and wonder if it has something to do with the fact I was always very shy as a child, I was always given lifts to places I wanted to go, and not really allowed to do anything alone.  This extended to always having someone walk me home from the pub when I was 18, and that person had to show their face to prove I had company! My father was very strict, but I also think he felt he was looking after and protecting me.  I feel this is part of the reason I have little confidence, although I have found this growing as I get, I can hardly bear to say it, older.  I have also had children around me for the last 25 years and I am of the mindset that I am 18 and therefore have the right to join in with their fun.  In my head I haven't really moved on much from being 18 I don't think.  Yes, I do the grown up things, go to work, look after the family, stress over money etc, but mentally I am still there, in my final teenage years.  I know that when Mum died I felt like a lost, lonely child, and it took me a long time to come to terms with it.  How I will feel when my Dad dies I don't know, cos then I really will have to be the grown up, no more "asking Grandad, he will know", it will be down to me and google!

Talking of growing up, my girls are getting harder to recognise as they grow bigger.  They still tend to stick together at the moment, but I am sure that will change as they get mates.  The whole flock (?) of ducks were at one end of the lake tonight - driven there by the fact that the model boat contingency were up t'other end.  It was nice tho seeing them all together.  Got a goose missing tho.

I worked with a different dentist today as his nurse was off.  This cheesed off my normal Monday dentist - he thought I was off and when he came across me developing an xray was quite cross that I wasn't in with him.  I guess I should be flattered!  In truth its only because the nurse he had is an occasional one and not sure of where things are kept.  Still, I love working with James, he is my Tuesday "boss".  He has a fantastic sense of humour, and is a very gently soul.

Want to write loads but am in a bit of a strange mood so going to leave it.  No doubt there will be plenty more rubbish to come ............

Dedicated or delusional?

Its raining, just for a change, and windy, just for a change too!  None of my loving family took my doggie out yesterday, and I had nil energy in the reserves, so he missed out.  I don't think he minds too much, but he is a dog and he does love his walks, so I always feel guilty if I can't take him.  With this in mind, the first thing I did this morning, after my breakfast, was to take him out.  Eewww, its not nice out there today.  The south east of England apparently has drought warnings, we seem to have had nothing but wind and rain in the south west.  Obviously the wind is blowing in the wrong direction for one of us!  Oh, and the wind is cold too.  Shall I shut up about the weather now? lol.

The park was deserted, apart from one other dog walker, just the way I like it.  The ducks were all huddled under the trees, and it was only the coots who had braved the elements.  I didn't stop today, knowing that this sort of weather is lethal for me and my health.  In fact, for once it was a quick walk.  Specks wasn't inclined to hang around, and at one point he was even in front of me - almost unheard of. He is a real sniffer, and his head is down all the time.  The weather did make me wonder tho about what it is that makes dog owners feel the need to take their pets out no matter what.  I guess wild dogs don't wander around in the rain and snow, and hide out of the sun when its hot.  Why should be take our dogs out in the elements no matter what?  Am I trying to excuse myself from going out when I would really rather stay indoors?  Who knows?  My guinea pigs have stayed in their hutch for the last two days, obviously having some weather radar and despite being free to roam at will.  
Anyway, when we came home I gave Specks a bath and then put the gas fire on for him to dry off.  See?  I am not so mean!

I bumped into one of my Mums friends in Tesco yesterday.  It was so lovely to see her - she was Mums nutty friend, someone we should all have.  We caught up on all the news and then said our goodbyes.  It also made me feel very sad, a "miss Mum" time.  Its always worse when I am low, usually due to my health, I am more emotional at these times.  It will be 11 years in September since she died, and sometimes its still as raw as if it was yesterday.  I do seem to talk to her, in my head, a lot and I hope she hears me.  (David, its round the supermarkets mainly that I talk out loud to myself!).  I do talk to myself a lot in the supermarket.  At one point I got a bit worried by it and used to phone David for a chat.  If he wasn't around I would just hold my mobile to my ear and chat anyway!  Now I just think, what the hell, and carry on!  Its only going to get worse so I may as well get a reputation now.  I don't even tell myself to shut up anymore, which I used to do a lot :o)

I have managed to rack up another 8 hours of CPD this last week, so I think I might just leave it now until the next cycle, which begins on August 1st.  That will be the final year of the 5yr cycle.  I have seriously thought of packing it all in, but realise I am in a "cushy" job because I am well looked after when I am ill.  I have been a dental nurse for so long that I don't think I am capable of anything else, and I do enjoy the work despite my many moans.

I could sit here for much longer nattering away about not a lot, but I need to go and see my Dad.  I haven't seen as much of him as normal lately, so I need to make amends.  Thanks for reading.  Hopefully you haven't been too bored, and if you have I am sure you won't be reading this bit, having given up on the second paragraph. ttfn xx

ducks, drakes and decorating!

I tiptoed through the raindrops, there being no tulips around, and took Specks to the park at lunchtime.  My girls were there, and there are also 2 young drakes trying hard to join the group.  The girlies are having nothing to do with them, chasing them away and quacking furiously.  There were two canada geese there today waiting for some food too, the first time I have fed them.  I was, and still am, really tired, and so stopped a quarter of the way around the pond for a sit down.  I am glad I did because I discovered my "missing" duckie, swimming along with a young looking drake.  Awww, her first boyfriend!  He did look very unsure of himself, possesively swimming along by her side, but not getting too close.  I am sure she is too young for all this, only being a few months old!  I am happy because I know she is ok and hasn't ended up as fox food.  Here, hopefully if I can master it, is a piccy of them......

The second one is not the one I wanted but I don't know how to delete it! lol  And the park has ended up at the top of the page.  Oh well, at least I tried!

We are painting the lounge - at least we will when we can agree on a colour.  How do people manage when they both have completely different tastes and no one wants to give in?  I usually give in, but hubby had chosen what was termed "light beige", but in fact looked almost white on the tested bit of wall.  As the hall is almost white I really don't want the theme carried on through into the lounge.  So it was off to B in a Q again for more tester pots.  Even at 7.45 on a Friday evening there is still a queue, with the obligatory one till open!  Four more colours have been added to the walls in various places, and still no decision has been made.  I am a blue person, aquas and turquoises.  Husband dislikes blue.  He pointed out a bright green, which I didn't mind, but not in the lounge.  Plus, there was no matching colour to go with it, the idea being to have the one "statement wall" in a vivid colour, and the other three walls toned down.  There was another couple in B in a Q trying to choose paint, and he jokingly said to just pick anything and hurry up.  I asked him how long they had been there and he replied "since Thursday!", so we are obviously not alone in being undecisive.  Have I mentioned that we alo have enough samples of wallpaper to paper a couple of walls and then decided to paint instead?! *sigh*  Any interior designers amongst you, feel free to join in.

Right, thats all folks. Feel free to pitch in and add you ideas :o) xx

soothing my soul

Well, I have still struggled this week.  At least I have been feeling more tired than ill, so I am hoping that this flare is on its way out, however slowly.  I did have an overwhelming urge on Monday to just put my head on patient number 5's chest and give in and go to sleep, thank heavens for some willpower!  The same happened on Tuesday a bit later on in the morning.  I mentioned it to the dentist and asked him what he would have done had I given in, and his reply was that he would have leapt off his stool, grabbed the emergency kit and pretended I needed CPR.  Good thinking, I may well bear it in mind :o)

Tuesday evening saw Becky and myself at ~The Freespirit Awareness Centre~ in Bradley Stoke for an evening of mediumship.  I really wanted to go because the medium, Sharon May, frequents the same spiritual site as me, and I wanted to meet her, and what a lovely lady she is.  Her delivery was lovely, very gentle but with humour, and she was accurate.  You can't ask for more than that.  Also, she had a really nice shirt on which I want!

Wednesday was toyboy day.  We took Grandad, as Josh knows him, to the Farm Shop and had tea and cake and then fed the pigs.  They are big.  For some reason I found it a bit surreal to be hand feeding a big, snorty, slobbery pig.  Weird.  Also checked out the chickens and made another discovery.  Boy do they smell bad.  It has put me right off having some, although my friend David said that you need to clean them out often and they don't pong.  Got to think about this a bit more methinks.  He is an expert and I trust his judgement implicitly. ('sok, he's going to pay me later for the praise!)   I did try and sneak a snooze in the afternoon but Josh was having none of it, despite telling me earlier he was tired with the result that I pushed him in the buggy when we took Specks out for his walk! 
I had to attend a child protection course in the evening for work, another compulsory requirement.  Hmm, a big eye opener and quite upsetting in places.  I will say no more about it but it makes me very sad to think how depraved some people are.

And so we come to today, the best bit being this morning.  I finally managed to get to the park to see "my girls".  I was well stocked up with bread and sat at the edge of the pond feeding the mother swan and her cygnet, and my duckies, although there are only four of them and there should be five.  I have been told there is a large fox in the park, and I really hope that she hasn't fallen prey to him, but I couldn't see her anywhere.  One of the duckies quacked constantly, and we had quite a chat.  I like to think they recogonise me and don't want anyone to say anything other than yes they do.  Walking on around and past the creek I saw another duck with 6 newborn ducklings.  They do make me laugh the way they just skim across the water, frictionless by the looks of things.  I get great pleasure from the ducks, my dear daughter did venture to say I was sad when I told her they recognise me, but hey, each to their own.  I may well have the last laugh because she may end up taking after me in years to come.   The rest of the day so far has been taken up with shopping, and the all important snooze, something I can't do without at the moment.  As both the children have gone out, for a change!, I may well just have another forty winks.

Goodnight all x

Melting moments

I want to give up work.  I have told hubby not to panic, because hopefully next week I will feel better and all will be well with Jills' world.  At this moment in time though, life is just too much effort.  There is no doubt that the peripherals are spoiling the enjoyment of work for a lot of nurses at the moment.  The "extras" brought in under new rules and guidelines mean we have more to do in the same amount of time and its not easy to keep up.  The extra reading and out of hours courses can also be a pain in the bum, not everyone has the enthusiasm to bring their job home with them and fork out money to enable them to do the job they have been doing for years.  At the moment all I want to do is sleep.  I can't keep up with running the house, walking the dog etc, let alone face the pile of dental magazines waiting to be read and tests to be done.  So, not only do I want to give up work, I want to just give up everything, just for a week or so, and spend my days in bed.  But I can't, boo hoo.

Rich has finally appeared home.  He was out all day yesterday and then went to a friends for a sleepover.  He rolled in around half 11 asking if he could go to Mac Donalds for lunch, and could he have (yet more) money, and off he trotted again.  He is now on the xbox, after giving me a big cuddle and saying he missed me and was homesick cos he hasn't been in for such a long time.  Bless him.  He has been given a certain amount of freedom and has embraced it wholeheartedly, but it has cost us - swimming, MacDonalds, Greggs, Lidl!  Time for some jobs methinks.  Maybe I will send him and Bex out with the dog if it stops raining.

I had ratdog yesterday.  Caroline called round to show me her arm - she had fallen downstairs and it was very bruised and swollen.  After a bit of prevarication, I finally got her to go to casualty.  She reappeared about 2hours later, arm plastered up with an appointment for the fracture clinic in the week.  She admitted she would never have gone to hospital if it hadn't have been for me forcing her, so thanked me profusely.  Ha ha, have now been given the role of hairwasher as she can't get the plaster wet.  That should be fun, lets hope I don't drown her.  Ratdog did not behave himself.  I forgot I had left the back door open, and found him terrorising my piggies, little bugger.  He is small enough to almost fit under the hutch, and it took a lot to pull him out.  One piggy was seen on the lawn later in the afternoon, but I think Dougie is truly traumatised, he has not let the safety of the hutch since I dragged ratdog away.  He is still hiding today, and I am a bit worried about him.  Its my fault for not checking the door :o(

Watched BGT last night, oooh Jai McDowells voice just makes me melt.  I think the judges comments were disgraceful, openly saying how shocked they were that Ronan didn't win and that they wanted him to.  You go Jai, fantastic voice and I would go and see you.  Shivers and melts do it for me every time!

A little whine

A little whine, sorry to disappoint those drinkers amongst us, but its whine with a definite H!
My M.E flare seems to have lasted forever, and I am at the point where I really start to dip because it has worn me down.  Along with hurting, my joints are burning, along with the rest of my body.  Add that to the hot weather and I am on fire baby!  Sadly not the "right sort" of fire.  I have added something else to my wishlist, a masseur.  I want a soothing backrub, lower back and hips - I am so fed up of pain and the painkillers don't seem to be helping.  I feel another invention coming on, something like a carwash - giant rollers to gently massage the whole of your body. You would lie on a wam, soft bed, and the rollers would massage you until you fell asleep, magically knowing when the pain kicks in and they would start working again. I could make a fortune at this rate.  Sleep, can't quite get enough of it atm.  If the bods at the hospital read that I am sleeping during the day I would get a right telling off.  You are supposed to fight it and stay awake.  My reasoning is that apart from the fact I feel totally knackered, sleep is an escape from the pain and therefore, in my humble opinion, alright.  After all, if you had flu you would sleep, and often the symptoms are much the same, so why not with M.E? Also, I would just like to mention the nausea.  Thank you.

That is it, my moan is over.  I don't mention it at home as a general rule because my family have to live with my illness as well as me.  I feel guilty because I often let my children down, saying we will go somewhere and then just not "being up to it".  They are used to it, but its not fair on them and I hate it.  I do need to let off steam somehow tho, and thats why I have always blogged.  I am sure there must be a way for me to keep some blogs private, I have yet to work out how, but if not I will return to another site and moan to my hearts content.

Sex, drugs and rock n roll!

Sex - not to be discussed here, partner and best friends only thank you very much!  Hang on, thats discussing it with best friends, not er having it!

Drugs - Oh I know a lot about drugs, prescription ones that is.   I have a whole host of boxes and bottles tucked away in my cupboard for M.E symptoms.  I have a policy of trying them once, deciding I don't like the side effects and  shutting them away.  Sometimes my lovely GP manages to persuade me to give them another go, and out of respect for him I do, then they find their place back in the cupboard!  The only tablets I take regularly are the pain killers.  I did mention to eldest son that I should take up smoking pot for pain relief.  He thought it was a good idea, but was rather worried about the thought of his mum taking drugs.  Not for a moral point of view, but because I am so naive - he thought I may well ask for some grass and end up with lawn clippings sold to me at an extortionate rate!  Prescription drugs it is then lol.

Talking of grass clippings, my free range guinea pigs are causing me some distress!  They have stripped the bottom of my shrubs bare, even daring to stand on their hind legs to reach higher.  Thank god they don't watch Britains got talent, they might come up with the idea of standing on each others backs to reach even higher!  I was wondering why my seedlings haven't shown their faces yet, only to realise that actually they had, and were cruelly eaten in their prime.  One of the piggies, George, even had the cheek to nibble Rich's goal net, meaning I have to go and repair it.  George, you are a guinea pig, not a goat!!!  What with the pigs eating everything in sight, the dog causing yellow patches on the grass, and the cat using my flower bed as a toilet, I am getting a bit cheesed off.  I would rather Rosie used our garden than a neighbours, having to clear my front lawn from the deposits of next doors' cat, but would prefer not to witness such an act.  I did discuss having chickens with David, but his comment "they like to root around in the soil" just about killed the idea.  Mind you, they would be penned in away from the plants, so maybe its still a goer.

Rock n roll.  Well, have booked tickets to see The Feeling in Bristol this October.  Hopefully I will manage to make this concert.  Out of the four I had booked this year, I only made it to one.  I have paid over the odds for tickets to see Stephen Merchant too, also in October, and eldest son has said he would like to come with me for this.  Yayyyy, haven't been out with him for ages.  Its usually a cinema trip for the family when he comes to visit, and not usually a film of his choice, but he'll do anything for a hotdog.   It will be nice to spend some time with him.  Its hard being a parent.  I find it hard getting to grips with the fact that Rob is actually an adult.  I guess it would help if he behaved like one occasionally, but I think madness runs in the family.  My father certainly still has his brilliant sense of humour, which I have inherited and for which I thank him.  It is quirky and not everyone understands us, but hey, we just don't care.  I really do think humour is important in life, and a lot of people don't practise it enough.

I managed to get out to see my duckies yesterday.  Still feeling crappy, not helped now by the heat, but I needed to go for a walk so I didn't go stir crazy.  I forget that the park isn't mine, being used to going during school hours when it is deserted.  What a shock, and disappointment!  People everywhere, swines lol.  I found my girlies under a tree, and I am sure they were pleased to see me.  Oh, ok, they don't know me from Adam but I am good at self delusion.  They didn't want the bread but I threw it into the pond anyway.  We had a little chat, maybe that is why everyone gave a wide berth, and then went on our way.  I am sad to report that there is now only one cygnet.  I don't know what has happened to the other two, someone suggested a fox had got to them.  Hopefully Mr and Mrs Swan can keep this little one safe.

I am dog sitting today for my friend.  Batfink, or to give him his proper name, Noodles, is a truly nutty 6month old, not a lot bigger than Speckles head.  He is fearless, relentless and the children love having him.  He insists on sitting on my knee whilst I drive him here, because Caroline lets him sit on hers.  She is so soft, but so loveable that I just *sigh* and indulge her bad habits!  Have tried to persuade Rich to come along but he is ensconced on the xbox with a new map pack for CoD.  Only when Noodles bounds thru the door will his eyes leave the tv screen.

Right upward and onward.  Well, out to the car to pick up said dog!