The Peter Pan Effect

Sometimes I find it hard being a grown up!  I have tried to analyse this on numerous occasions, and wonder if it has something to do with the fact I was always very shy as a child, I was always given lifts to places I wanted to go, and not really allowed to do anything alone.  This extended to always having someone walk me home from the pub when I was 18, and that person had to show their face to prove I had company! My father was very strict, but I also think he felt he was looking after and protecting me.  I feel this is part of the reason I have little confidence, although I have found this growing as I get, I can hardly bear to say it, older.  I have also had children around me for the last 25 years and I am of the mindset that I am 18 and therefore have the right to join in with their fun.  In my head I haven't really moved on much from being 18 I don't think.  Yes, I do the grown up things, go to work, look after the family, stress over money etc, but mentally I am still there, in my final teenage years.  I know that when Mum died I felt like a lost, lonely child, and it took me a long time to come to terms with it.  How I will feel when my Dad dies I don't know, cos then I really will have to be the grown up, no more "asking Grandad, he will know", it will be down to me and google!

Talking of growing up, my girls are getting harder to recognise as they grow bigger.  They still tend to stick together at the moment, but I am sure that will change as they get mates.  The whole flock (?) of ducks were at one end of the lake tonight - driven there by the fact that the model boat contingency were up t'other end.  It was nice tho seeing them all together.  Got a goose missing tho.

I worked with a different dentist today as his nurse was off.  This cheesed off my normal Monday dentist - he thought I was off and when he came across me developing an xray was quite cross that I wasn't in with him.  I guess I should be flattered!  In truth its only because the nurse he had is an occasional one and not sure of where things are kept.  Still, I love working with James, he is my Tuesday "boss".  He has a fantastic sense of humour, and is a very gently soul.

Want to write loads but am in a bit of a strange mood so going to leave it.  No doubt there will be plenty more rubbish to come ............