I feel like a volcano building up to errupt at the moment. The week after Dad died I had a mental wall very firmly in place, a bit of preservation I guess. This is rapidly slipping and I am in the falling apart zone. Little things set me off into floods of tears. I feel so unbelievably low at the moment, not helped by trying to keep the dreaded M.E under control. I know it will pass in time but it's all too new at the moment. I am struggling and would like to do my bear hibernating trick. Maybe things will be easier after the funeral,closure as everyone says. Not sure of that because I know that Dads soul has gone already and it's only his shell left. At least the stress of the organisation will be gone, and I can begin life with a new normality.
How I will fill my hours I don't yet know, that will evolve hopefully. I have spent the last 11 years adding the status of "friend" to father, and adding the role of carer to myself. When you take on the role of carer for someone they become an even bigger part of your life and there is a gaping hole left when they are no longer there.
It has been a difficult and stressful 6 months for my family and myself. The time will soon be here when we can start to live normally again. Having said that I have just been reminded that Dads house needs sorting, emptying and selling .......
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