Poorly pond!

I find it very sad seeing the state of the pond at the moment.  The water level has gone down considerably, at least 18 inches, the water is a swirl of green , stagnant maybe?  The pond weed is rife, in the pond and also in the river that feeds the pond.  Alot of the fish have died, providing the marauding seagulls with easy meals, and it is just generally a mess due to the hot weather we have had so far.  I can't remember a time when it looked this bad.

I visited Dads tree today for the first time in a couple of weeks, and that is not doing too well either.  There is a water feature in the area of park that the tree is planted, so I used a doggy bag to scoop up some water to try and feed the tree a bit.  I will return with a plastic milkbottle, or bucket and do the job properly later.  I would be very upset if the tree died totally.  Dad had one the same in his back garden which he loved, and that is the reason I chose the same species to go in the park.  It is the focal point I never had when Mum died, and I call out a hello to Dad whenever I go past it.  We scattered a few of his ashes there, amongst the roots of the tree, so part of him is there, literally.  I know his spirit is free and I am sure he wouldn't have minded a bit of him being parted from his main ashes.  Sounds a bit morbid typing it down!  I have just bumped into one of his neighbours who informed me the lady who lives in his house is expecting another baby in February.  It would be weird if it is born on Feb 28th as that is Dads birthday. 

Bit of a break, not that you would know obviously.  Have just been to the wool shop.  Oh dear, soooo tempting, which is ok when I have just been paid, but not when I am in my overdraft.  Just can't resist.  I sat there looking at all the wool and deciding what I could knit, instead of thinking of my patterns and buying the wool to match if you see what I mean.  I have a fair bit of wool waiting for a pattern!  Buttons.  Bought some fab buttons too which I am sure I can encorporate.  Useless woman that I am.  Food is the thing we need, not wool and buttons!

Right, off to hang the washing out.  It has cooled down and become overcast so I am pushing my luck I think, but hey ho, whats new?!

Hot and bothered

Wow, its been hot.  Its been very hot for England.  Trouble is, its also been humid.  The heat here is different from the heat abroad, its a wet heat if that makes sense.  If the nights were cooler and breezy it would have been lovely, but of course that hasn't happened.  Every one is getting hot and bothered and grumpy, me included.  I have always been a peace keeper, maybe that stems from having a very strict, military father.  No wasn't in my vocabulary, along with not disobeying.  I am a meek, mild person, anxious to please and putting myself at the bottom of the heap.  It is not within me to stand up and shout the odds sadly, just not brave enough and always thinking of peoples reactions.   Hence, in this heat, with everyone being hot, bothered and grumpy, myself included, I am tiptoeing around the household trying to soothe everything over.  I am stressed with it all.  I am hot at the best of times due to my illness, and this heat has almost taken me over at times.  I can see why some people have panic attacks over things now, I think if I had let go it could have happened to me!  Self combustion, here I come lol.  We had rain last night, and it is overcast today, although still hot and muggy.

Still knitting for the fayre in November.  Weird knitting snowmen and stockings in the heat.  Not easy with sweaty hands either, the wool doesn't slip on the needles very easily.  I think my early passion for it has gone, I am almost knitted out.  I think the pleasure for me has been browsing the patterns and choosing the wools.  Once I have to knit a certain item the fun goes out of it.  Mind you, I have added more books to my kindle so I can knit and read at the same time, much to the disgust of my husband who likes to talk to me whenever my bum hits a chair!  I know I shouldn't complain, but I do like peace.  I take after my Dad like that, happy with our own company.

I have registered with the General Dental Council for another year.  Sometimes I really want to give up work, its such an effort, but on the whole I enjoy it still.  I went through a really hating it period a few months ago, but happily that seems to have passed.  August and September are bad months because its when the receptionists and one nurse, who has no school age children, take their holidays and the panic for cover is rife.  I do what I can, but as you probably have gleaned by now, I can only do one extra session a week.  Not helpful when its between 5 and 10 extra sessions that need covering!  Three people are off in September, one on her honeymoon and two on holidays, again!  Two receptionists and a nurse, 18 sessions a week to be covered.  Not a hope of agency staff either due to the cost.  Such fun,in the words of Mirandas' mother!

Right, think that has emptied my brain of a bit of stress.  Its very therapeutic getting things off your chest without bothering anyone.

M.E flare

As I am in the midst of a flare I thought I would try and describe how I am feeling.

Hot, my blood feels like it is on fire, giving me that inner glow.  My hands seem to feel it most, so painful and hot. I also have sausage fingers which are very stiff.  My joints are almost unbearably painful, even sleep doesn't give me relief.  I am aware that I am crying out in pain as I move, or don't move.  As I lie in bed my joints, especially my back, hips, knees and ankles hurt more.  I cannot get comfortable, even putting pillows under my knees and against my back for support.  I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open, so I sleep, wake up due to a raging thirst and then sleep again.  When I am awake I feel nauseous and have a headache, along with all the aches and pains.  There feels like barbed wire around my heart area, like a bad stitch feeling.  Luckily I don't stay away too long which deals with the nausea but not the pain as I said earlier.

  All I can do is take pain killers, drink lots of water and sleep.   I know it will ease and over the course of a couple of weeks I will be back to my normal state of health.  Thankfully I don't get a full blown flare very often, it seems to have settled to about twice a year, and for that I am thankful, although not whilst suffering it!

Up

I am happy to report that I gave myself a mental kick up the arse and got on better at work today.  I did find it hard to concentrate during a crown prep, but that is a 40 min appt, and although I lost focus I did remain with it enough to keep up.  I felt happier and relaxed a bit, not feeling a failure is good for the ego!  Thats it for work for this week now.  Just housework to do, yayyy.  Have finished knitting the minions now too so I can knit something I want to knit.  Think it might be a guinea pig, got some speckly wool I want to try out.

That it, too tired to type more, plus nothing has happened apart from dropping daughters prom dress off to be shortened.  The seamstress thinks it will be ready Friday, which is good.  It can be hung up out of the way then in readiness.

Right, I am going to sit and read for quarter of an hour and then start getting tea ready.  Toodles!

Losing the plot

I am losing focus badly at work.  It has been noticeable over the past month or so, I am not as quick as I used to be and seem to have lost the knack of pre-empting what the dentist needs.  I find it hard to concentrate too, and I am finding this at home, my thoughts are going around in my head at a hundred miles an hour.   I had a chat with the dentist about it and he has noticed, well, hard not to to be honest.  He feels it would be better to just book check ups in and short treatments on the days I work.  Thats no good is it?  Why should he have to work like that just because his nurse is losing the plot?!  To watch me sometimes you would think I have just started in the job, not been doing it since 1979.  I don't know what is happening to me.  Maybe I need a break, short term or permanently.  I don't know what I could do though if I left.  Working the 8 hours is too much on occasions.  I can't stand up for any length of time, I drop things regularly, can't concentrate, and am continually tired.  Not much hope is there.    I was really upset when James chatted to me earlier, I guess I was trying to kid myself it isn't happening.  Oh bollocks!

Knitting, a few of my projects.

insignificant

I wish I could be listened to.  That is all on that subject.

Been knitting Minions like crazy.  The new Despicable Me film is out and I thought little Minions would go down well.  I was right.  Its weird, I love browsing patterns and thinking "I would like to knit that".  When it comes to Having to knit for people, its not so much fun!  I need to start Christmas stock for the fair in November.  Keep thinking I have plenty of time, but as we know, time goes so fast it will be here before we know it.  Thinking about some Halloween mice too .........

At last we have shoes sorted for younger daughters prom.  Taking the dress to be taken up this Wednesday, and the prom is next week.  Talking of daughters, my eldest daughter gained a 2:1 in her physics degree.  Yayyy, that means she gets her job which also means she can afford the flat she has just taken on.  Glad its working for her.  Just wish my son could get his dream job.  Actually, there are lots of things I could wish for, same for everyone I guess.  Its a dangerous path and one I won't travel down.

Gosh, not much going on really,  Went to the music festival on Saturday, it wasn't as good as in previous years, but the weather held which made a change.  Got a stupid patch of sunburn so now look like I have a bum on my chest.  *sigh*  Never mind, its back to warm clothes today so it won't show. 

Have just spent an hour ironing, and still have 4 shirts and a tshirt left to do.  That will teach me to be lazy and leave it for so long.  Got to put it all away too for my sins.  Hate housewifely jobs.  I am lazy, I admit it and do the minimum.  The ME doesn't help, but can't use that as an excuse really.  Anyway, daughter wants to make brownies, which I don't mind doing.  I quite enjoy baking, but not cooking, if you see what I mean.  I would love a cook to come in each night and prepare the meals.  I have no inspiration as to what to cook each night, despite perusing cook books.  Everyone likes different things too so I try and accommodate them all.  I keep meaning to make puddings too, but never quite get around to it.  Pitiful!

Talking of food, it is lunchtime, so off to have a nice salad wrap.  Mmmm.  Diets not going too well either!