Hibernation please

I don't want to moan, or do I?   I am so fed up of the weather at the moment.  Taking my dog out for his walk is now a chore instead of something pleasureable.  Luckily he felt the same way today and was happy to head off  home.  Normally I have to wait for him to sniff every blade of grass but today he was ahead of me, unheard of!  Walls are tumbling at the rate of knots, the well established tree in our neighbours garden is down, our gate and the neighbour on the other sides gate have succumbed.  And most of all, I am cold.  Think I mentioned this before, but its affecting my body, making me stiff and achey.  I think I should have hibernated this year.

I can't imagine how the homeless are faring, and I feel sorry for our postlady who arrives dripping and windswept every day without fail.  Worried about my daughter going on an activity week for college next week.  They have to do some volunteer work too, maybe they can rig up wind and rain protectors!  

Talking about worrying, I seem to be doing a lot of it lately.  I feel my shoulders are very heavy.  Everywhere you go people need help, animals need help, and I am beginning to feel overwhelmed.  Daft because I know I can't help every living thing, and hundreds of people do stirling work with aid.  I keep telling myself I can't and don't need to do it all.  Facebook is part of the culprit.  There seems to be more animal charity posts and petitions to sign, and as I prefer animals to people, it gets to me.  Maybe I should readjust my settings.  In fact, instead of ending with a cuppa I will go to FB and do that.   

I worry about my children, my son is getting married in a few months, can he afford it, are they coping, buy him some food to take back after his visit.  My daughter wants to learn to drive, she can't afford it, only just managing to pay her rent and bills atm.  Other daughter, activity week next week, the weather is awful, will she be warm enough, will she be safe.  Son, having his head shaved, my baby, I know it will grow back, but what we he look like, will he be teased, will he be warm!  Not even gonna start on the husband and his health!    Think I need time out, hibernation really does sound good!

Joining the ducks

By eck its cold today.  I have reached the point where the cold has seeped into my bones and I can't get warm.  Was cold at work yesterday and it just seems to have gone from there.  I blame the wind, its ferocious and goes straight through you.  The heater in our surgery seems to have two settings, hot or off, which is a pain, despite its many offerings of settings.  Never mind, could be worse, could just decide not to work, in which case I think we would join it!  Wouldn't be surprised if the bosses control it remotely behind our backs.  Week off next week, so happy.  Struggling to get up in the mornings.  I think 8am seems to be a nice time to get up, or maybe half past.  Hate dragging myself out of bed when the alarm goes off.

Got such a rubbish memory can't remember if I have mentioned the fund raising for Torresh?  Hes a 3yr old in Nepal who is in need of treatment for leukemai.  One of our patients set up a clinic a few years ago to treat children with bone marrow cancer and fund raises tirelessly to keep it going.  She has now been persuaded to try and raise fund for Torresh.  My son is having his hair shaved off next week, and I am proud and touched to say he has around £300 of sponsorship.  Alot of his friends can't wait to see his fringe go in particular, its a Justin Beiber original (much as I hate to swear and blaspheme!), and some of them are happy to have a go at cutting some of it off!  I am worried, I hope he knows what hes let himself in for.  I know, it will grow back, but I am a mum and worry about most things child related!  We are going to have a sort of Close Shave party for everyone.  Watch this space!

I am seriously getting worried about the weather.  I have fears of Britain disappearing under water with inland lakes a new feature!  The pond at the park is about to burst its banks which has never happened before.  I very nearly joined the ducks in the week, slipping down the muddy bank, flinging the bag of bread like a shotputter of repute, and rolling to within inches of the water!  The ducks all flew off quacking up (sorry, bad pun).  I did have a moment of worry as to whether I would climb back up the bank, or just stay slip sliding all day and have to be rescued.  My son, as normal, was very sympathetic when I told him and broke into peals of laughter.  They are used to me falling down, rolling down hills, falling in rivers.  Sadly there seems to be something about me!  No balance probably due to the ME.  Thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it.  I also still think I am a teenager and capable of great things.  Shame my body has other ideas.

Ooh, I had a go with some diving rods on Tuesday at the circle I attend.  I haven't used them before, and it was amazing.  Doesn't take much to make me grin with awe.  They really do move on their own.  Must get some :o)

Right, as seems to be happening lately, I am ending this with the intention of making a cuppa.

What a difference a day makes

Well, I am pleased to report that I feel better today, more upbeat.  Went to see my friend yesterday afternoon for a cuppa and we did what girlies do when they are together, gossip and moan lol.  Got things off my chest, got girlie advice, tea and biscuits - bliss.  It also made me realise how much I miss her.  Normally she works 3 days, but someone in her office is off having treatment for cancer and my mate has been filling in, which means there aren't many opportunities to catch up.  Hopefully her friend will be back at work in September and things will return to normal.  Having said that, she works in a school, so the end of July is when we can resume our natters :o)

Braved the weather today, not quite managing to make it between the raindrops, but luckily missing the heavy downpour.  So fed up of it and feel really sorry for the people who are flooded.  Can't really imagine what it must feel like to have to leave your home in 4 or 5 ft of water.  Surreal.

Other news, my lovely youngest son has decided to have his long locks shaved to raise money for a 3yr old in Nepal who needs treatment for leukemia.  Its a long, convoluted story, but a lady who attends our dental surgery set up a clinic in Nepal to allow children in the area suffering from Thalassaemia to have free treatment.  She has now met Torresh who needs treatment and has been persuaded by her friends that money can be raised to help achieve this.  I am very proud of my son, and his friends who have promised sponsorship of around £220 in 2 days.  The school have put a few obstacles in his way, but we are sorting them, and the grand shave will take place during half term.  Eeek!

I am knitting hats for the thalassaemic children and of course will be sponsoring Rich as well.  Its easy to tug at my heart strings, I am such an emotional person. 

Right, am off to my nice warm lounge to do a bit more knitting and reading, with a trusty cup of tea by myside.

bleeeerrrrrgggghhhhh

Do you ever have that, what are we doing here, moment?  I guess its the meaning of life debate that goes on.  I think I'm having it.  I look at my life, which I know could be so much worse, and just feel what am I doing and whats the point?  I really am at sea at the moment, totally lost. What a bummer!  Maybe its a midlife crisis, don't feel I have achieved anything apart from my fantastic children, can't work much due to my illness and therefore don't have the amount of money to make life easier.  I know it doesn't all come down to money, but sometimes you know, it does. 

I know I still miss my Dad loads, we had so much in common and his death sent me adrift. 

Do you know?  Think I will have a cup of tea, stiff upper lip and all that.  Just feel fed up of blogging depressive feelings, but it is a release.  Oh bollocks, am heading for the kettle!

Empty Nest

I am beginning to suffer from empty nest syndrome.  My children are at the stage they only need me to feed them and give them money and lifts.  My daughter spends most of the time she is at home in her room and my son the same, although he has a room downstairs with his xbox and pc in, so I do at least hear him!  I sit in the lounge knitting or reading, its quiet, and I feel empty and a bit lost.  Of course, most of my friends my age have already been through this phase and are able to work to fill the void and earn much needed money.  They envied me my late arrival of child number three, and then four.  This means that so far I have had 27 years of having children around me.  I know its going to be a good few years, probably around ten, before the youngest flies the nest, but that not needed feeling is strange and not nice.  Its hard being a mother!  I still enjoy having them around, most of the time!  Bless em, love them all to bits.

There are a few ducklings on the pond, which is still looking yucky, despite the few days of rain we have had.  At least the water level has risen, which is good.  Most females, in fact I don't think I saw a single drake today.  Its very weird.  Blummin male swan is chasing the ducks for all he is worth.  It really annoys me and spoils my enjoyment.  I really do not like swans at all, no siree.  There were a lot of dog walkers in the park today too.  I am not really a very sociable person and I try to avoid the group as much as I can.  I just don't like chatting.  I think I take after my Dad in that respect, although as he got older, and I guess after Mum died, he craved company.  I just like the peace and quiet.  Mind you, I do talk to myself a lot so maybe that fills any need I have.  Yup, I am the nutty woman wandering around chatting away quite happily with no thought to how I appear to others.  Haven't been locked up yet! 

Lets see, on the moan front, tinnitis is driving me potty, tired, sore throat and still suffering from vertigo.  I will say no more.

My youngest daughter and I are off wedding dress shopping tomorrow with my prospective daughter in law.  I never went wedding dress shopping for my weddings.  The first time around I had my dress made, and the second time obviously I didn't wear a wedding dress.  I say obviously, I guess some people do?   Anyway, I am looking forward to it, and was touched that Emma asked us both.


Okay, thats enough for today.  In other words, can't think of anything else to write about.  Off to do yet more knitting.  Hopefully one day I might make some money out of it ...........

Poorly pond!

I find it very sad seeing the state of the pond at the moment.  The water level has gone down considerably, at least 18 inches, the water is a swirl of green , stagnant maybe?  The pond weed is rife, in the pond and also in the river that feeds the pond.  Alot of the fish have died, providing the marauding seagulls with easy meals, and it is just generally a mess due to the hot weather we have had so far.  I can't remember a time when it looked this bad.

I visited Dads tree today for the first time in a couple of weeks, and that is not doing too well either.  There is a water feature in the area of park that the tree is planted, so I used a doggy bag to scoop up some water to try and feed the tree a bit.  I will return with a plastic milkbottle, or bucket and do the job properly later.  I would be very upset if the tree died totally.  Dad had one the same in his back garden which he loved, and that is the reason I chose the same species to go in the park.  It is the focal point I never had when Mum died, and I call out a hello to Dad whenever I go past it.  We scattered a few of his ashes there, amongst the roots of the tree, so part of him is there, literally.  I know his spirit is free and I am sure he wouldn't have minded a bit of him being parted from his main ashes.  Sounds a bit morbid typing it down!  I have just bumped into one of his neighbours who informed me the lady who lives in his house is expecting another baby in February.  It would be weird if it is born on Feb 28th as that is Dads birthday. 

Bit of a break, not that you would know obviously.  Have just been to the wool shop.  Oh dear, soooo tempting, which is ok when I have just been paid, but not when I am in my overdraft.  Just can't resist.  I sat there looking at all the wool and deciding what I could knit, instead of thinking of my patterns and buying the wool to match if you see what I mean.  I have a fair bit of wool waiting for a pattern!  Buttons.  Bought some fab buttons too which I am sure I can encorporate.  Useless woman that I am.  Food is the thing we need, not wool and buttons!

Right, off to hang the washing out.  It has cooled down and become overcast so I am pushing my luck I think, but hey ho, whats new?!

Hot and bothered

Wow, its been hot.  Its been very hot for England.  Trouble is, its also been humid.  The heat here is different from the heat abroad, its a wet heat if that makes sense.  If the nights were cooler and breezy it would have been lovely, but of course that hasn't happened.  Every one is getting hot and bothered and grumpy, me included.  I have always been a peace keeper, maybe that stems from having a very strict, military father.  No wasn't in my vocabulary, along with not disobeying.  I am a meek, mild person, anxious to please and putting myself at the bottom of the heap.  It is not within me to stand up and shout the odds sadly, just not brave enough and always thinking of peoples reactions.   Hence, in this heat, with everyone being hot, bothered and grumpy, myself included, I am tiptoeing around the household trying to soothe everything over.  I am stressed with it all.  I am hot at the best of times due to my illness, and this heat has almost taken me over at times.  I can see why some people have panic attacks over things now, I think if I had let go it could have happened to me!  Self combustion, here I come lol.  We had rain last night, and it is overcast today, although still hot and muggy.

Still knitting for the fayre in November.  Weird knitting snowmen and stockings in the heat.  Not easy with sweaty hands either, the wool doesn't slip on the needles very easily.  I think my early passion for it has gone, I am almost knitted out.  I think the pleasure for me has been browsing the patterns and choosing the wools.  Once I have to knit a certain item the fun goes out of it.  Mind you, I have added more books to my kindle so I can knit and read at the same time, much to the disgust of my husband who likes to talk to me whenever my bum hits a chair!  I know I shouldn't complain, but I do like peace.  I take after my Dad like that, happy with our own company.

I have registered with the General Dental Council for another year.  Sometimes I really want to give up work, its such an effort, but on the whole I enjoy it still.  I went through a really hating it period a few months ago, but happily that seems to have passed.  August and September are bad months because its when the receptionists and one nurse, who has no school age children, take their holidays and the panic for cover is rife.  I do what I can, but as you probably have gleaned by now, I can only do one extra session a week.  Not helpful when its between 5 and 10 extra sessions that need covering!  Three people are off in September, one on her honeymoon and two on holidays, again!  Two receptionists and a nurse, 18 sessions a week to be covered.  Not a hope of agency staff either due to the cost.  Such fun,in the words of Mirandas' mother!

Right, think that has emptied my brain of a bit of stress.  Its very therapeutic getting things off your chest without bothering anyone.